Balance

Post date: Apr 17, 2016 9:31:41 PM

Recently I was mad at my husband and got frustrated how he couldn’t read my mind. ;) So I decided to write a letter to him. Writing is a practice that helps me to respond rather than react. It felt good to vent and write whatever I wanted to say. It wasn’t a big deal from the beginning so I was able to calm down quite quickly. After I got my reason back, I read the letter again and was quite surprised to notice how many “I”s were in the letter. There was a single “you” in a blaming tone and not a single word of “we” but was all about me, me, me. The more I read about me, the bigger my ego got and I kind of got sick of it. Enough of me! Then I realized that in English, we need to specify the subject in order to make sense of what we are writing so say “I” so often. No wonder it is so natural to think of me first in this culture because it is how we say it.

I grew up in a culture that doesn’t emphasize “I” much. In Korean, we use “we” more than “I”. I would say things like, “our father”, “our mother”, “our house”, “our country” even if I was the only child in the family. And often we don’t even say/write “I” even if the subject is I. Then I remember how I also got the message from childhood that I can’t always do/get what I want.  I was trained to think of us before me. I think mainly it is because of the way we say it.  Or we say things the way we do because that is how we think.

I am not here to say that one culture is better than the other. And I know Korean culture has changed a lot since my childhood.  Also, I am not generalizing these cultures but it is my personal perception through my limited experience. I have never liked the mainstream culture in my home country that doesn’t recognize the diversity of individuals, yet I do appreciate the strong family connections and sense of belonging. Now I am in a culture that is quite the opposite, I have noticed how I became so free yet so much focused on me.

I believe “balance” is the key word for a healthy life.  I practice yoga to find balance within my mind and body which helps me to balance my life: between my needs and the family’s, and between my family and work.  I can keep drawing a bigger picture of it and imagine what it would be like to find balance between these two cultures. And I wonder when we have that balance, if it would change our languages as well…